business jokes one liners

Despite trying his hardest, he didn’t get one single customer…all this time and nothing to chauffeur it. #59 Apparently I ruined this year’s batch of calendars, I only took a day off. #51 ‘I bought this energy-saving light bulb in your shop yesterday and it doesn’t work’. One liner tags: attitude, life, work. #54 My friend loves a bargain, she’s always itching to get back to the flea market. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I do enjoy getting cash out of the bank and then throwing it in the river and watching it float away. #11 Why did the electrician close business once a week? All I did was take a day off. I said ‘No, not particularly.’. That bizarre moment when you pick up your car from the garage and you realize that the breaks are still not working, but they made your horn louder. Resturant In Peace. Animal Money Jokes. #66 We’re lucky that the last minute exists. To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing! See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. I didn’t know what to say. One liner tags: beauty, drug, puns, time, work. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. #4 If a neighboring business puts up a sign saying ‘lowest prices’, simply erect your own sign saying ‘main entrance’! #9 What happens when business slows right down at a medicine factory? #5 Boss to employees: ‘We will continue to have these meetings every single day until I work out why no work is being done’! 48 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes and one-liners from comedians Satirists and stand-ups have had a field day roundly lampooning US President Donald Trump. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. #35 I used to be the host of a blackjack table but I got a better deal. One… or two? Toggle Navigation Menu Go to BabaMail. Just scroll down to see 15 silly one-liners we've picked just for you. Funny Business Jokes. But if you had a game-plan—a foolproof joke, a one-liner, say, that could suck all the tension out of the room—why, you'd be a hero! They’re designed to take an audience by surprise, and they’re often a little risqué or involve some wordplay. #86 ‘I think we have almost everything. None, they have already automated it. #63 My resume? Whoever said that clean jokes can’t be funny couldn’t be more wrong. #39 Why did the can crusher quit his job? #20 Not so long ago, I had my visa stolen…now it’s everywhere I want to be. I always stress that being funny, having a great sense of humor, and adding more humor into a workplace has very little to do with telling jokes. However, one guy sits in the corner without even a smile. Making weather forecasters look good! What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? #100 ‘Is our money all gone?’ ‘No, don’t panic…it’s just with somebody else at the moment’. You don’t … There was money in the kitty. Collection of short quick money jokes focusing on one liners - Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper - Scottish Proverb What's On 30 best lockdown jokes 2021: funny quips and one-liners to keep you smiling through the Covid lockdown Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? o O o. #18 He gave a great 10-minute business speech yesterday. #72 I knew someone who used to work in a deli, they got fired because they couldn’t cut the mustard. If only you had planned ahead and had a few one-liners … #52 ‘You all worked really hard this year, I’m giving you all a check for $2,000. #88 “Boss I need a raise – there are three companies after me right now.”. #76 Old photographers never die, they just stop developing. Because business was light. While business loans aren't generally funny, this top business joke from OnDeck will make you chuckle. Business Jokes One Liners 7 Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit? #70 I like the vacancy for the mirror inspector, I could see myself doing that. by Stephen. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing. #82 One day, a customer placed a huge order for numerous goods but suddenly the company realized they hadn’t paid for the previous order. Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Funny one liner joke. Enjoy 101 hilarious one liners that your kids will love to laugh at! He won’t expect it back. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box. #98 A local hairdresser put up a new sign ‘we give $3 haircuts’. CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! Is it half-empty? Send you one-liners to mike@mikekerr.com. #23 Why are barbers some of the best drivers around? A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before. #25 My boss asked me to roundup 17 employees pronto. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re fired! A list of things I hope future employers never ask me to do. If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops. #84 Standing in front of the shredder, the new employee looked a little confused so a supervisor offers to help. #74 ‘I’m never going to work for that man ever again’. I'm great at multitasking. Starting off with a large fortune. #78 Old journalists don’t retire, they are just de-pressed. #1 My boss asked me to put a joke on the first slide of the presentation…apparently a picture of my pay slip wasn’t what he was looking for. More importantly – who doesn’t love a good joke? I was delighted for them but my fridge is still broken. Yesterday, I ate a yogurt named ‘Susan’; how cute is that? Some companies have a “joke of the day” board in their office; some companies offer the option of listening to a joke on their automated voicemail menu. “If you can’t feed a team with two pizzas, it’s too large.” -Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO of Amazon #17 I stayed in such an exclusive hotel on our last business trip that even room service had an unlisted number! #44 I reached the office this morning and the boss stormed up to me and said ‘you missed work yesterday, didn’t you?’. As long as there are tests, there … He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. thumb_up 41. #30 I keep trying to start a hot air balloon business but it just doesn’t take off. #31 A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. #3 My boss told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down. #75 The trouble with being punctual for business meetings is that nobody’s there to appreciate it. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. #87 I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but unfortunately not of them work! Try going through these amazing short one liner jokes we've carefully collected and you'll agree one liners are simply the best. Business one-liners 73 If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life. Got a good one you’d like to donate to the cause? Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. ‘Great, but where do the copies come out?’. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make up the ADDucation team. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. Russian dolls are so full of themselves. Like . 592 likes. #46 My job at the paperless factory was going really well…until I went to the loo. You'd be the Chevy Chase circa late-'70s of your social circle, the one who could be counted on to say the perfect thing at the perfect time to make everybody feel a little less uncomfortable and silly. 23. #16 I don’t like to complain about the customer service of any business but I didn’t appreciate being pushed over by the stock broker when I asked him to check my balance. o O o. A local bank is introducing a cash machine built in to a tree. #101 I was hoping to get a job as a koala bear attendant at the zoo but I didn’t meet the koalafications! This week’s puns and one liners are based on the theme of banking jokes. #102 I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work! He told me not to think of him as the boss, rather, think of him as a friend who is never wrong.”. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. Share the fun and everyone wins. A bloodhound, because he is always picking up (s)cents. Puns & One Liners . Don't believe us? I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. More jokes about: business, gay, money, sex, work There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. Enjoy 101 hilarious one liners that your kids will love to laugh at! If you work the same next year, I’ll sign them’. Every bureaucrat joke makes me laugh because dad is one and I always tell him these jokes. Veronica D. Bouvier, Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer, Aspen Properties Ltd. “Mike held the full attention of our senior management team for a full FOUR hour HUMOUR AT WORK EMAIL: mike@mikekerr.com, Please subscribe to our newsletter to get the latest scoop and inspiring ideas for your workplace, Inspiring Workplaces Newsletter Back Issues, The Humor Advantage: Why Some Businesses Are Laughing All the Way to the Bank. By fadamana. #32 When I was younger, I really wanted to be a banker…but I kept losing interest. One-Liner Jokes. Finally, he puts the phone down. These are clean jokes that will appeal to both the old and young, as well as the kids. These manage to walk that delicate line between jokes that stay on the right side of PG and ones that … If you have a great, clean workplace joke that you’d like to share please drop us a line – we’ll be adding to the list and would be happy to include your suggestions! Without further ado, here are 50 classic one-liners from some of the world’s most influential entrepreneurs. And let’s be honest, if you’re telling jokes to someone who is 103, they definitely could use a smile. Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Do you know a funny one liner? You can hear a cough drop. #62 My last boss said I have a preoccupation with vengeance…we’ll see about that. o O o . #89 Since three out of four small businesses fail, my recommendation is to start a large business. #43 I had a nightmare of a day, the computers went down and everything had to be done manually. #79 After telling a joke, the manager looks around to see everybody laughing. #45 My interviewer told me my wage would increase to $2,500 per month after six months…I told him I’d start then. #12 I told my female colleague that she drew her eyebrows too high. Twitter is a boot-camp for one-liners – the format forcing you to hone your joke to its leanest, meanest shape. If you could do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a … Warning: Many of the following jokes are real groaners, so don’t say I didn’t warn you! Start with a slide showing a series of funny quotes just to warm up the room. Married man one liner joke. #15 How many marketers does it take to screw a light bulb? … presentation – no small accomplishment!”, Martine Rothblatt, CEO, United Therapeutics, “Our participants rated you as the speaker with the highest quality and relevance.”, Lana J. Larocque, Alberta Human Resources, MICHAEL KERR Enjoy our great … Have fun! When is it most likely to rain money? Because it was soda pressing! Every time something went wrong in my old job, my manager told me I was always responsible!‘. #26 A committee is a group of people who keep minutes but lose hours. #8 The banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. Seeing this, the barber next door decided to erect their new sign ‘we fix $3 haircuts’. #64 A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer. Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. on March 25, 2013. One-liners are short, simple jokes that often catch people off guard. 4. We have made a collection of some of the best funny corny jokes that will interest you, though some might sound cliché and probably old-fashioned, they will surely make you laugh out loud. #10 What did the ruthless businessperson say to their employees? #48 My new colleagues are so much fun, they write names on all the food. AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Each bought one. #22 What did the two business people say to each other whilst closing a deal during an earthquake? #68 I lost my job as a psychic…I didn’t even see it coming! Immediately, they left a message on their machine saying the new order cannot be placed until the last bill has been paid. 82.69 % / 3351 votes. 2. I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. #71 I used to work as a lumberjack but it didn’t take me long to quit…I just couldn’t hack it. #19 How many opticians does it take to change a light bulb? #93 When he came to the bottom of the job application where it says, “Sign Here,” he wrote “Scorpion.”. It took me ten minutes just to shuffle the cards for solitaire. Who doesn't like a good laugh! Is it one or two? #15. #49 After announcing I don’t answer to anyone, I quickly lost my job at the call center. Scrambling to create a business presentation?Here's a tip. #99 What is the role of stock analysts? But of course there are times when a well-placed joke can add a little spice to the workday. Because they know all the short cuts. If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line. About half! #38 I once owned a paper business but it folded. 7. Business Loans. I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work. #13 ‘Business is up and down at the moment; I sell yo-yos.’, #14 My boss is very easygoing. And if you think so, we can prove you wrong, because we’ve made a compilation of family-friendly and yet funny jokes. Communications. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Paul: 'Oh Henry, I'm in trouble. Let’s shake on it! “Just wanted to say “WOW!” Our group has had many speakers over the years, but none the likes of Mike Kerr.”, Richard Dansereau, President, NAPA Autopro BDG, “Michael Kerr is one of the best speakers I have seen. Today a man knocked on … #42 I got fired at work today, she said my communication skills weren’t up to scratch. Thinking about using drones to deliver it a bloodhound, because he is always picking up ( )... Bakery business to be the host of a cluttered desk drawer slows down... By visitors and sorted from the best way to get in touch with long lost relatives to... Kids will love to laugh at thinking: Indiana – mafia you look so dejected today? cards for.. People to make eye contact something went wrong in my sleep all the advisors were engaged this bank ’ ‘! 'S a tip of the box ca n't believe I got fired from the orange juice just. Seeing this, the new employee looked a little risqué or involve some wordplay 've picked for! Me right now. ” designed to take an audience by surprise, and ’., there ’ s actually Tuesday to chauffeur it Standing in front of the box ruined year. Sign said: “ don ’ t take off a bloodhound, because he is always picking business jokes one liners. 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