I cannot advice her on anything, cause she knows everything better anyways. I’m working to stay strong but it’s been over a year now with no contact. Destroy my toy I love.they never even make birthday party’s for me every year I lived a sad painful and no great times in the old times. I dont know how to handle someone stronger than me (physically or verbally). Every since I was five my mom and dad were on drugs, sleeping all day, not sending us to school . It was a very bizarre childhood, and it scarred me until I was in my late 20s. I eat at my work because of this. It does not end with our children folks, I wish people would consider that. Should i blame them? All I want is for her to feel better about herself and move on with her life. Look to the positive things that they were able to bring to the table and try to understand and show compassion for their flaws. They are adults now with children of their own now. Your daughter will eventually call you when she is in the situation of needing her mom. “They know how I feel and I like to think I make them feel guilty,” she said. Like WTF? They get angry with me when I don’t want to hear it. I am now prone to depression and mood swings, all taking emotional tolls on me on top of what I have already experienced. X. It’s not easy being a parent but they should make sure you get through highschool so you’re not set up for failure.education is the most inportant thing so by me not finishing I’m self employed i make good money but it’s taking a tool on my body. Well, isn’t it pretty clear that her habits and addictions are identical to her mothers? My parents have NEVER done anything as per my desire. I lower my head and keep quiet when people share about their wonderful social life because I have none of those as a person struggling with intimate relationships and anxiety problems. You know what Lara? Blaming your parents doesn’t help. I have become the laughingstock among my peers, all because I was oppressed by two people who call themselves parents but never educated themselves on what is really best for me. When I think about it now, I can see my mother was really into herself and I think she was competitive with me. It’s a core need somehow. They don’t even believe that they have caused me enough harm to render it as abuse and my effing father skew everything as bad according to his distorted viewpoint of the world. It is truly disturbing to see the way in which Marie interprets her relationship with her child. And what can a helpless child like me do to keep out the toxic influences? I know it is not my fault, or the fault of anyone but herself, that she is an addict/thief/liar and danger to herself and others. Several years ago, I worked at a military academy down in Florida. Sometimes I slip back into old patterns. After years of trying these ways and failing and hating myself and my parents more I have started to let go of the damaging attachment and try some new ways of thinking and acting. And we go into motherhood with the best intentions to raise our children to love,protect,and to provide for our children. She acted harshly towards anything she viewed as different or strange. In one sense we could say that we are all victims, victims of life itself… but isn’ t it more important to focus on how lucky we are to have got the chance of living life with all its pleasant and not so pleasant challenges? I feel like I cannot stand it any more, but always I try to help her to be happy. But I do know my childhood experiences shaped how I think and how I make decisions. I worked very hard to make me successful. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. We don’t volunteer in the classroom. I seem to go from one dead-end job to another. How can someone be nice if you are constantly being called rude, a jerk etc. All they do now is act nice and make me feel guilty for being depressed, as if I’m purposely not happy. I have always thought she must be Bi-Polar, as she has always mistreated me, from a small child with little respect, and hatred, that has continued for all of her childhood, and into her adulthood. We’ve been brought up to believe that anyone with a badge or a government-issued card must be right and must be good. I hope you find a therapist that she likes. The staff wasn’t that great, either. Know this: your feelings, thoughts and opinions MATTER and are true. I also have a hard time figuring out what to do with my parents. She doesn’t put any effort into helping around the house and her excuse is she goes to college and has a part time job. He has never laid a hand on me or her in anger. How can you move out when you can barely survive day to day and always applying for jobs and never get a call. But she don’t blame him. When she turns around and blames me for the abuses I accuse her for, she then considers the argument “won,” for some reason, and she attempts to make our relations go back to the way they were. If you put in place healthy boundaries and are taking care of your own business, it gets much easier. So, basically this article makes me shake my head. BTW lots of girls approached me in y young days to date them but I refused all of them due to my issues of fear and time. I choose not to blame my mom and dad any more. I had to make a huge, major life change and am dealing with the resulting PTSD and trauma. I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic and blamed my issues on my childhood too, I had resentments against my Mom for not leaving the bad Drunk Step Dad, as a child I thought she must love him more because she isn’t making the bad man leave. I remember when I told her that I had been asked to run for class secretary in middle school. I also applaud those who choose not to be parents because of their childhood because SERIOUSLY, if you are one unhealthy, immature person, you have no right to parent because you will only raise unhealthy, unstable children. My father physically abused my mom and two brothers, (never from drinking, just cruelty). You know who you are, so try your damnedest to stay above the fith that they throw at you, and take whatever steps necessary to make sure it doesn’t ruin your days, after all life is too short to miss out on the happiness WE DESERVE!!! And, most of all, an apology. you have to move past all of that and create a life of your own that is free of that. How can I throw her out? “I swore I would never have children so as to stop the cycle of abuse.”. My mom is good at parties, get togethers, and being positive, but if you ask her a straight out blunt question, she avoids you, walks out of the room and/or change the subject. Which I pay by the way because I have no insurance. I never thought I was good enough for much. Good for you! My part in this is I went all g with it not knowing better at the time. If you can’t afford one, try talking to therapists in training. , Just read your post from Sept.28,2016. I am dealing with more anger toward my mom. It wasn’t until I turned 38 that I began to see very clearly how f***ed up my parents were. That is all I asked for. i have one brother and one sister. Only you can make yourself HAPPY in life. And asking me if I talked to the therapist about her, that doing so would be a betrayal to her and the family. I believe that her issues are her responsibility and if she wants to get better she needs to own her problems. I apologized and changed. To add, a good example i remember from when i was younger, i always found it difficult to sleep, i just couldn’t stop thinking about stuff and then early teens, maybe a bit younger, i suffered from weird things like false awakenings and sleep paralysis, fairly consistently. Is anyone perfect? Was there some risk in letting go of her anger? Your parents had bad parents. Your brain, through belief in these words, and with practice, can make any choice it wants. Maybe that’s what hurts the most. Borrowed money from me and never returned it, and claimed to never take it either. What makes me sick now is the fact that despite all the emotional swings, they keep asking me to just change my mindset and move on. So I’m still trying to get that ged I have to pay for tutoring. Listen to your parents. Everything in your parents' lives -- their fears, paranoia, political biases -- is thrust upon you, willingly or not. I’ve taught them to help the poor , treat people with respect, always help those in need, to go to collage, get a good job with benefits and 401 k, go to the dentist pay taxes.ect my parents taught me nothing I’m surprised I don’t have the life style my dumb parents had. I would hate to think that I was a senior citizen still complaining about all of the things my mom and dad did or did not do and blaming them for all the things that were still happening to me. I think the other kids would tease him and bully him because of it. It’s damn if I do damn if I don’t. Life was so drastically different in the house. But, I made mistakes based on my environment. I had to have her removed from my house. She literally did the best she could and I can’t fault her for that. I know scars don’t go away completely but they do fade. I still keep in touch with them even though I feel they have no right to a relationship with me. YOu know when I stopped? When the past memories come to mind redirect to positive thoughts and keep active with things you enjoy in life. Nevertheless, these exceptions to what she anticipated did not go very far in allowing her to step back and consider that she was not (in her words) “doomed to fail.”. I forgive my parents but I still blame them. I would love to pay every cent back. if it was a partner who behaved in such a cruel and often dangerouse way would we say the same thing or would we say put those big grown up pants on and leave this toxic. What happened in the past, I cannot take back, I acknowledged my mistakes. This is a response to beets In the end, because of genetics and patriarchy and heaven knows what else I’m a mentally unstable young woman who tends to have unwelcome and obsessive thoughts of suicide and self-harm, and equally unwelcome bouts of risky, impulsive behavior. Life is short ENJOY ! We don’t do this, we do too much that. Not my brother, just me. She has gotten a promotion to recruiter, and has made a placement that will double her income this year. You’re just not popular enough.’ I believed everything she said about me, so I didn’t run. I was afraid of talking to girls as I was always beaten up if a girl spoke to me or wrote me something. They got married when I was 7, and then he moved to another state. Some times the way we turn out is there fault. She was masturbating constantly even as an toddler, pulling out big chunks of her hair and wanted nothing to do with me. I’m trying to fix it with therapy, but its really hard. deandra why do you always blame your mama. Those views are something that spread like viruses between one sick person to the next. I hate how our society reveres parents even if they do a shitty job. I agree with that. Understand things way too crazy to even eat and he changed his number has! Given this life – and signals – it would be there for lot... Diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the time I trusted him with money, but it ’ s hard when is... Origin, then you can contact your local mental health issue, that doing so much... Me feel like the partner-partner relationship, and I rarely saw him that advice turn out just.... 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